I've noticed something lately and I think (hope) it proves to be a big blessing. Ty suddenly seems very attached to his dad. This doesn't make me feel jealous at all or left out, or like he loves me less. Ty and I have a very special bond and I feel very close to him and this hasn't diminished that at all. But lately he seems to really enjoy his dad's company a lot.
This has been great for many obvious reasons. It's getting harder for me to carry Ty, put him in his crib, crawl around playing trains, etc. But I think will help mostly when the new baby comes. I read that children who have a really close bond with their mothers struggle the most when new baby comes. But those who also have a really close bond with their fathers seem to do better. Ty has always been close with both of us, but lately the bond between he and Jeremy is getting stronger by the day. I really enjoy watching it and it makes me love them both even more.
I know it's hard to predict how Ty will react to the big change ahead. I do worry about it a little because Ty get's a lot of my time and attention and I want to do everything I can to ease the transition. But I love knowing that Jeremy is capable of taking care of him in every way and that he loves being with his Daddy. In fact most nights Ty actually goes to bed better for Jeremy than me. And sometimes he even eats better for Jeremy, because if dad's eating it, it must be really cool. It's so great. The two of them are so fun to watch. Ty loves doing whatever his dad does!
I'd love any advice anyone has about bringing home baby #2. This is all new to me and I want it to be a positive experience for my Ty guy. Please share your ideas about what worked or didn't work. Thanks!
7 comments:
Hey Sonja- I just caught up on your blog but about the 2nd baby thing- my situation was quite different, but because of the age gaps between the first 2 and the second 2, I can relate to your situation. Jace always has went back and forth between being a mamma's boy and a daddy's boy- it's definitely a good thing and helped me out. I also tried to involve Jace in everything I did for Brylee- ex. letting him attach the sides on her diaper, letting him hold her bottle, etc. He felt so big and important instead of forgotten or left out. Just a thought!
Dont under estimate yourself and trust your own instincts! I wont lie to you, bringing home number 2 isnt easy. I was overwhelmed. Just remeber, you can do it. There are times when it calms down, they are both asleep and you just sit for a moment and think to yourself "wow I did it, and I can do it and its getting easier" and before you know you and Ty and Jeremy will have adjusted and you wont be able to remember what life was like before. You're an amazing mother (and sister) I have no doubt you wil handle it with grace and resillence, just how you do everything else in your life. Again, trust your instincts and dont underestimate who you are and what your purpose is. You and only you know how to be the best mommy for those two little boys.
Oh Sonja...the worries of bringing home baby two. I remember crying myself to sleep, because Warner was our life and now someone was going to join him. I wondered how we would spread the love so he wouldn't felt left out. It was hard. When I got home from the hospital Warner didn't want anything to do with me. He just wanted to go to his grandma's house. It broke my heart. But over time he adjusted just as I did. When we were first home I would have him hold her and then take their picture. He LOVED that and still does. So many people that brought presents for the baby brought something for him too. That really helped out. Every kid is different. I think it was harder on my than on Warner. On the next one I'm going to try and remember to just live in the moment, it will all work itself out. Your a great little momma!! Can't wait to see number two!
A fun thing I did when Kai was born was give Gage a disposable camera so when he came to the hospital he was part of the action. Got a few crazy pics but he loved it. Number two can be a little overwhelming but it seems like the older one just knows it is going to be OK. You will have times you will cry and wonder what you did but it always works out. So if all three of you need to sit and cry do it. You will all feel better when your done. ( It doesn't happen to often )The fact he is getting close to his dad is great my boys have ALWAYS been mamas boys so count your blessings.
From experience w/ my two boys, it doesn't last long (but everyone’s different). Lately, my boys argue over who gets to sit on my lap or next to me, or who gets to hug me first. Personally I love it but David's getting tired of it.
One of the things that we did was get a doll out for Noah to play with. I only pulled it out a couple weeks before Daniel was born, but it gave us some preparation on how to treat "baby". Noah loved him (the doll) until Daniel was born. I don't know if it helped, but may have. :) Also, about bedtime. Brett and I have a routine with Noah and we used to take turns doing the different parts. Once I got big in my pregnancy I couldn't lift Noah into his crib, so Brett became the solo. After prayer Noah gives me a big hug, then goes to Daddy who sings to him and lays him down. That didn't change immediately after the baby was born because I was usually having to take care of baby. The other night I tried to take a turn and Noah wouldn't have it. This made me feel good... I felt like it proved that Noah enjoyed it and was feeling supplanted with the change.
I'm sure you've talked to Ty about the baby coming, but that's what we did with Noah... we tried to make it sound like an exciting thing. He's adjusted really well. I would be happy to talk to you more if you want to call. Good luck!
Well, I can't give you any advice about baby #2, but I do know Ty is so very loved and that he feels it. Keep doing that and he can cope with any changes ahead. One-on-one time (with both parents really makes a difference and you two do that really well. Good times are ahead!
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