This Is The Moment I've Been Waiting For...

And I didn't even know it until it happened.

I've never felt more like a mother than I did this Mothers Day. I never thought much about the day I'd feel like this and the emotion spilled out onto my cheeks with tears. I love being a mom, but for the first time, my sweet little son stood on the stand in Sacrament meeting and sang (well sort of) a Mothers Day song with the rest of the Primary. Then he gave me a pot of flowers he decorated and planted (again, sort of, with lots of help). I had no idea how much that would mean to me.

All those years I spent in Primary preparing for Mothers Day songs and handmade gifts, I never knew how it felt to those mothers to receive them. Now I do and it feels amazing. I wasn't expecting it to feel so incredible and overwhelming.

I also had a scary mom moment with Ty this week. This was a moment I haven't been waiting for. I don't yet have a double stroller because I can't decide what I want and like. Plus Ty prefers to walk. One night after baths we went for a walk before bedtime. Ty got tired so I put him on the front of the jogger like I have a million times before. Ty has always been a careful kid. I wouldn't call him scared, or even cautious, just careful. He's smart so he knows how to avoid slamming fingers and bumping his head. And I know that this isn't the safest way to push around a kid, but I try and be so careful.

We were walking along in the street, there was no sidewalk, and he saw a bug on the ground. He bent over to get a closer look and as I watched I knew what was about to happen. It was like slow motion and I couldn't get to him in time to save his head from hitting the street really hard. I was in a panic. I had no idea what I'd find when I picked him up off the ground. I felt horrible and responsible and just plain awful for him. He was hurt, but not too bad. In fact about a minute later he said he was fine and didn't want to go home. I learned a valuable lesson and won't be putting him on the front of the stroller anymore. My search for a double has become even more vigilant.


I couldn't help but think all week that as he grows I'm sure I'll have other moments of watching him fall on his face, and not being able to get to him in time to save him. I won't always be able to protect him. Perhaps it will be when someone in kindergarten says something mean and hurts his feelings, or the first time he fails at something he really wanted to do. Maybe it will be when the girl he really likes doesn't like him back, or any number of things. I hope in any situation he'll bounce back as quickly as he did this time. And I hope my heart can handle seeing my son get hurt and have the strength to pick him up, brush him off, and watch him become stronger each time.


I love this boy more than I could ever express with words. And I love his brother equally. Being a mother has helped me really understand what joy is. And this mothers day more than ever I truly felt like Ty and Cameron were especially chosen to come to our family. That because of our strengths, and weaknesses, they were sent to us. We have been chosen to raise them up and help them grow into the kind of men they were meant to be. And while I feel the weight of this responsibility, even more I feel the honor of being chosen to be in the presence of and help nurture two of the most amazing people that ever walked on this earth. I feel excited for the opportunity I have to be called mother, mom, mommy, and momma, by Ty and Cameron. And I feel thrilled that I get to use my strengths, talents, and skills to teach them and nurture them throughout their lives. Most of all I feel humbled and exceedingly thankful for the trust that's been placed in me by a loving Heavenly Father.