The World of Boys

A search for an inexpensive first violin for Ty took us to Lehi this weekend. We decided that since we drove all that way, the dinosaurs at Thanksgiving Point might need a visit too. We found our way to a play area filled with plastic dinosaurs where the boys can enjoy pretending. I sat down to watch and out of the corner of my eye spotted a young mom with her son. You could tell she was head over heels for him. She was down on the floor, totally engaged in his dramatic play. As I listened I heard myself in her voice and thoughts. The boy wanted the dinosaurs to fight and battle and kill all the bad guys! She obliged, but then kept sneaking in, well we don't always have to fight you know, we can be friends too! And continued on with some friendly play. It was interrupted again by a more fighting and battling and eating each other.

Understanding how boys play is something new for me. It seems like it comes in them from birth. I'm talking about the crashing, fighting, good guy vs. bad guy battles, jumping, chasing, pushing, wrestling, digging up worms, getting covered in dirt, etc. I watched both Ty and Cameron crash their cars together and make explosions before they even knew that cars can crash or what an explosion was. Since I don't play like this and never have it was a little disturbing to me. Who would want to play like that?

I was constantly breaking up wrestling matches and what looked to me like fighting. I showed them how to play the "right" way...or what I thought was right....for me anyways. I've since changed my mind and my ways. I'm just beginning to understand boys and how different they are and the best school for me has been observing their behavior first hand. We are blessed to live in a neighborhood full of little boys and although they are all different, they are all the same too. The battles might be with aliens at one house and with T-rex's at another, but battle they will.

What I do know is this: At this age their play is so innocent. It's boy play and it's how they play. And I never want to make them feel ashamed or embarrassed with a scowl or act horrified or tell them that they are doing are horrible things. What a blow to their confidence to make them feel they are wrong before they are fully aware of what's right. They are still learning, they are innocent and while they are learning I will lead and guide with love, show them where the lines should be drawn, but still let them be boys. They will fight and shoot and explode and crash. In fact, have you every battled a T-rex or played Megamind or been shot by a freeze ray? It's pretty fun. And just this morning I found myself on my knees in the garden, not planting veggies, but digging up worms. I loved every minute and every smile as I handed them another worm to examine without ever touching them myself.

And tonight as I sweep and mop my floors trying to pick up all the dirt, as I put away freeze ray's made from paper towel tubes and construction paper, I think of the smiles on my boy's faces as they play like they feel they should. I love joining in and finding my inner "boy" as I play along side them and guide them with love.

And that's just what I saw that young mother do as the Tyrannosaurus her son had was eating the head of her Stegosaurus. She played along side, guiding, loving, and teaching without hurting his developing confidence. The dinosaurs were enemies, then friends, then enemies again. They roared and laughed and growled and hugged. She seemed to understand her son and never made him feel bad for being all boy. Good momma.