Several months ago I sat in my rocking chair, cradling Cameron's sweet body, and rocking him softly to sleep. As I watched him close his eyes I rocked a little longer and stared. I do that a lot. This night in particular I felt such a powerful feeling. It had been coming for a while, but that night, it was unmistakable. Our family was not complete. One more person was anxious to come. One more person wanted to come right now. One more person was in that room with me. I felt his presence. I lay Cameron in his crib and walked out of the room with tears streaming down my face. I walked into the living room and told Jeremy that we needed to have another one right now. He felt the same way.
Now I'm 13 weeks pregnant. I'm excited to meet this person who I've already felt our home. I feel it's a boy. But that could just be because that's all I know. I'm happy to welcome this person, not matter what the gender. I just know that whoever it is, they are very excited and very anxious to become a part of this family. Whoever it is let me know that personally. At least that's how I feel about it. Maybe that sounds crazy to some.
I have a love/hate relationship with my pregnancies. I approach it with so much respect, reverence, and awe. I am fascinated by what is taking place inside me and love being a part of it all. I feel so thankful and blessed to participate in this incredible miracle.
At the same time I hate the way it makes me feel. I never feel so tired and the nausea is like a mind game. It steals all my energy and motivation and leaves me unable to concentrate on anything (thus no blogging). I have to push through, but sometimes I fail. I just keep going somehow, because I have to. I hope I get some relief soon.
Ty and Cameron are enjoying their relationship together and growing closer all the time. I love them and I love that our family is going to grow by one more.
Speaking of growing, here's how I've been making sure these two grow up good and strong. Lots of water. They could do this for hours. Even if it's cold.
5 comments:
SONJA!!! YAY!!! I'm soooo very happy for you and Jer and the boys! This post brought tears to my eyes!
Congrats! I hope you have a splendid (and not sick or uncomfortable) pregnancy!
Congratulations! I really felt like the third child made us feel more like a family, rather than just having kids, if that makes sense.
Congratulations! Somehow I knew this was coming. We've been on such a similar plane our married lives, but this time we are not. I'm so happy for you!
I love this about you, you are so in tune and sensitive and trusting to spiritual expierences. Often I have a thought and then think "was that the spirit talking to me" and then I go back and forth about it, I love how you know, I think it makes the spirit so tangible for you. I really admire that. Can't wait for a new baby cox. I love your boys!
ps. that was bre, signed in under bry, but he loves your boys too :o)
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